Labyrinth the more musical?
by Fan of Fan Fic
Summary: In which a totally *cough* random person must go through the labyrinth to steal a pie back from greedy David Bowie.
1. David Bowie steals the pie

Labyrinth!..the musical?

Chapter 1: David Bowie steals the pie.

It was the perfect pie. The crust was as flaky as pie crust can be and the cherry filling was warmly oozing around the edges. Made from organic materials and cooked to the exact right temperature that America's test kitchen says a pie should be cooked to. It had been placed on the windowsill to cool, but that did not stop the house's only resident from hovering over it like a starved fly.

"Piiie...Perfect perfect piiie" Anna said in a tormented voice. Why must it always sit for half an hour after coming out of the oven? Why must it continuously be there in all it's glorious deliciousness?!? So close and yet so far??? (Like Lee Pace). She approached the pie once again, determined to sneak just the tiniest, littlest bit...just a crumb off the crust, but drew back to burst into over dramatic song befitting the situation.

"_Oh cruel thing why do you tempt me?_

_Why do you try to lure me to your smeeeeellll?_

_Why do you sit so innocent,_

_When you only cause lament?_

_I reach for you but you don't return the callll...ohhhhhh_

_SOMEONE LEFT THE PIE OUT IN THE RAIN-"_

In the interests of everyone's eardrums and plot progression there was a big thump as a bird hit the window. With a sigh Anna left the kitchen to go see if there were any remains that she could make into a stew. "Kitty!" She hollered "I caught your dinner!" But even as the cat came up expectantly she peeked outside to see that there was nothing there. "Huh" She said. She turned and walked back up the stairs and stopped. David Bowie was sitting in the now open window with a fork and a mouthful of pie.

"Oh my god!" Anna fanned herself with her hands "It's 1986 David Bowie from the hit movie Labyrinth!"

"Hello Anna" Said David Bowie "I've come for the pie-"

"Is it true you once tried to exorcise a demon from your swimming pool?!" Anna demanded.

"Uh-"

"And is your hair really red or did you just dye it that way for attention and-"

"Anna" David Bowie said, getting irritated "I'm not David Bowie, I'm Jareth the demon king."

"Oh." She winked "Right. You're one of those method actors right? When you're in a role you don't like to be out of character. Alright 'Jareth' umm...Why are you eating the pie?"

"Because" Answered Jareth Bowie "You said the words 'I wish the demon king would come and take this pie away'"

Anna looked at him "No I didn't." She said.

He took another big bite "Didn't you?" He said through a mouthful of pie. "Well I've got it now, and if you ever want it back you're going to have to find your way through my labyrinth." He gestured out the window which was now revealed to be a big labyrinthine maze, like the one in the 1986 hit movie Labyrinth.

"Trippy." Said Anna. Jareth Bowie disappeared in a swirl of tight spandex and anna was left to decide whether or not she actually wanted to go to all the trouble of getting a pie back. Then she remembered that it was not JUST a pie. It was the perfect pie. Made from cherries picked in the rarest cherry forest at the peak of ripeness and a crust that the Pillsbury dough boy could have rolled out himself. She needed to get it back.

"Better hurry" The voice of Jareth Bowie said from all around her "Every hour I'm going to eat another slice, in twelve hours it'll be gooooone."

Anna paled "Those slices are too small to do it justice!" she wailed "You won't get them to hold their form on a plaaate!!!"


	2. Bowie boogies

Chapter 2!!!! : Bowie boogies

Dum dum duh duh duh dum! And so off Anna went on her valiant quest to search for a pie before David Bowie-er, Jareth the demon king, could eat it all. Since she had watched the movie 'Labyrinth' many time she thought she knew her way around this maze pretty good. She ignored the ugly warty creature that she first saw at the entrance, accidentally stepped on a worm in a scarf and eventually had to two doors. Guarding these two doors were-

She gasped "Mara? Tessa? What are you doing in the labyrinth! This is MY David Bowie fantasy!"

"You Fantasize about David Bowie?" Asked Tessa after a long pause.

"Umm No!" Anna said quickly "I meant Lee Pace and James McAvoy! What are you doing here?"

"We're guarding the doors." Said Mara "One of them leads to the castle, the other one to certain death, one of us always tells the truth and one of us always lies, I shouldn't have to explain this, you've seen the movie." She rolled her eyes. "So pick already."

"Uhhh..." said Anna.

Tessa tapped her foot.

"Ummmmmmm"

Mara yawned.

"So basically" Said Anna "I have to tell you which of you I think is a liar and which of you is honest?"

They both groaned. "Just pick a damn door!" They said in unison. ( points and laughs at twins doing things in unison, that never gets old)

"I think you're both liars." Anna pointed out. "So uhh..which one leads to the castle?"

Tessa shrugged "Hell if I know, you know it doesn't matter which one you go through so just pick which one of us you like better and go through that door."

"No! Anything but a favoritism trap!" Anna knew that if she picked Tessa's door then Mara would never speak to her again, but if she went through Mara's door then Tessa would surely never- oh screw it. She took hold of several of the vines on the wall and started to climb over it (Just like Bear Grylls would, seriously, was I the only one who thought that if she just climbed the walls occasionally she would know where she was going?). She then let herself drop and fell to the floor with a splat. She got up and looked around. Hey, that was easy, up ahead of her was a path that seemed to go straight to- "Ahh!" She yelled as the ground gave way. Suddenly she was being manhandled by various..hands? Eww...

"Lawsuit lawsuit! I'm being groped!" She yelled all the way down until the 'helping' hands got tired of hearing her whine about it and just let her drop to the bottom of a dark chamber.

Meanwhile David Bowie was about to dance a 'magic' dance in his goblin hall.

"_Ground control to major Tom-_"

The goblins all gave him a weird look.

I mean, he quickly got back into character "_You remind me of the babe_!"

To be continued....


	3. The pillsbury dough boy lends a hand

Chapter 3: The Pillsbury dough boy lends a helping hand.

"_I saw my baby, cry'n hard as babe could cry, _

_what could I do?"_

Away in the distance could be heard the sound of David Bowie still grooving to a magic dance, but all Anna could see around her was the dark pit of despair she had been tossed into after accusing the helping hands of indecent contact. Now there was no hope, none at all and she was missing the 'magic dance' segment that is EVERYONE's favorite part of the whole movie. Things were dark.

"Anna" A small voice squeaked from a corner of the room "Don't give up!"

"Why not?" She asked "I missed the magic dance, the rest of this fantasy is gonna be dumb anyway and I'm never going to make it in time to get even one piece of the pie."

"But you must!" The creature that emerged from the corner was white with a lot of, well, we'll just say stuffing. "The Pillsbury bake off needs your recipe!"

"Oh my god!" Said Anna "It's the Pillsbury dough boy! I always knew I could count on you, you're right, I'm so depressed about missing the magic dance that I forgot what this was really about. I'm here to get a pie and I'm gonna get it if it's the last thing I ever eat!"

"I know a secret door! Teehee!" Said the Pillsbury dough boy as he led the way out through a fairly obvious exit. "But be careful, there's all sorts of things lurking about."

"Since when does the dough boy know anything about adventuring?" Asked Anna.

"Maybe it's because I'm not the dough boy." Suddenly the pitch of the Pillsbury man deepened quite a bit. He took off his mask to reveal-

"Mark Wahlberg." Jareth Bowie suddenly appeared in a usual array of spandex "You're not helping this girl are you?"

Mark Wahlberg's complexion paled as he turned to see the goblin king. "What?-er No!" He said

"Good" Said Jareth Bowie "Because if I thought that you were helping her on her way in any way shape or form I would have you thrown into the bog of forgotten actors."

"No!" Screamed Mark "Anything but that...That would mean going into.."

"Yes that's right" Laughed evil Jareth Bowie "Voice acting! Bwahahaha!..And you" He turned to Anna "How are you finding my labyrinth? Difficult enough yet?"

"Dance...Dance magic dance..." Anna hummed hopefully.

"That part is over!" Snapped Bowie "Magic dance is over! Tell me what you think of the labyrinth!"

"Put that magic spell on me- Jump, jump magic jump..."

Bowie got frustrated and disappeared leaving behind only a strong smell of hairspray.

"Close one." Said Mark Wahlberg "C'mon let's get out of here."

"How do I know if I can trust you?" Anna asked "You talk to monkeys!

"Let me put it this way" He said while climbing up a ladder that would lead them back to the maze "Would you rather have Kevin Bacon as your guide?"

Long pause.

"You don't have to answer that." Said Mark Wahlberg.

"I just didn't want to hurt your feelings." Said Anna while climbing also.

When they got up they heard a loud roar and Mark screamed and ran off. Anna just shrugged and decided to go toward it. If she had missed the magic dance things couldn't get any worse right?

**A/N: Heh heh, sorry guys for making this thing three chapters longer than it should be. Feel free to erase it any time and HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!**


End file.
